Armed and Dangerous...with a Soft Pretzel?

I like Mall food. Okay, more than like. Maybe because I spent my whole high school life working in a mall. I look forward to the mall yummies as much as the shopping. Not the fast food, but the not-so-bad stuff that is a yummy treat every once in a while: Orange Julius, veggie corndogs at Hotdog on a Stick, etc. That's why when I was at the recent free Ladytron show at Hollywood & Highland--and hungry--I was psyched to be able to get a delicious Auntie Anne soft pretzel. It was the almond covered one...the Rolls Royce of pretzels. You must try one!

The show had just started, so I approached the fenced off area where the gig was. I watched as the security prevented attendees from bringing in beverages--which though it sucked, I could understand. 16 year-old Cameron or 15 year-old Tiffany might be slipping some hooch stolen from the parents' booze cabinet into those grape slushees or Mountain Dew bottles. I then tried to enter the gig site, but was prevented access by one of the security guys. Why was I not permitted to enter? Because I was holding a soft pretzel.

WTF? It was a SOFT pretzel. Not even a hard pretzel, which I concede, could possibly cause injury. This was a smooshy delicious soft pretzel, though...



* rounded edges
* smooshy
* temptingly delicious where you'd rather eat it than fight with it

"Are you serious?!?!?" I asked the security guy. He seemed to think about it for a microsecond, then just nodded like a goober and had no verbal reply for me. He just gave me the hand in the face. Entry denied.

It was an outdoor gig in the plaza area where there were trash bins. I hate litterers and wasn't going to litter--plus what I had was a convenient and yummy portable food item. I obviously wasn't going to throw it on the ground or toss it at the band in disgust.

I couldn't believe I was being prevented entry due to the soft pretzel. Especially since I was carrying a large duffel bag--which wasn't even searched--and which could have been more of a chaos inflicter at the gig.

(this is a representation of my duffel bag...not the actual one, which is much more fashionable)...



I mean, c'mon...have soft pretzels been a threat to society? Or to Homeland Security?




My friends at the gig watched in awe as I was denied entry with my soft pretzel.

I thought about my options...

1. trash the pretzel to get in quickly
2. scarf down the pretzel to get in quickly
3. savor the pretzel outside--but miss the first song or two
4. accept friend's boyfriend's offer to meet me on other side of fence, smuggle pretzel across fence, then be reunited with pretzel inside the gig--unbeknownst to the Gomer Pyle security guard.

I went with option 4...and got to savor the amazing almond pretzel as Ladytron played live. When does one have a chance to do that?

So, a big thank you to Auntie Anne and her pretzels...



and a big "BOO!" to irrational mall security guards who would rather confiscate a soft pretzel than a stranger's duffel bag...