Tea N Toast

Armed and Dangerous...with a Soft Pretzel?

2007-09-30T18:32:00.001-07:00

I like Mall food. Okay, more than like. Maybe because I spent my whole high school life working in a mall. I look forward to the mall yummies as much as the shopping. Not the fast food, but the not-so-bad stuff that is a yummy treat every once in a while: Orange Julius, veggie corndogs at Hotdog on a Stick, etc. That's why when I was at the recent free Ladytron show at Hollywood & Highland--and hungry--I was psyched to be able to get a delicious Auntie Anne soft pretzel. It was the almond covered one...the Rolls Royce of pretzels. You must try one!

The show had just started, so I approached the fenced off area where the gig was. I watched as the security prevented attendees from bringing in beverages--which though it sucked, I could understand. 16 year-old Cameron or 15 year-old Tiffany might be slipping some hooch stolen from the parents' booze cabinet into those grape slushees or Mountain Dew bottles. I then tried to enter the gig site, but was prevented access by one of the security guys. Why was I not permitted to enter? Because I was holding a soft pretzel.

WTF? It was a SOFT pretzel. Not even a hard pretzel, which I concede, could possibly cause injury. This was a smooshy delicious soft pretzel, though...

* rounded edges
* smooshy
* temptingly delicious where you'd rather eat it than fight with it

"Are you serious?!?!?" I asked the security guy. He seemed to think about it for a microsecond, then just nodded like a goober and had no verbal reply for me. He just gave me the hand in the face. Entry denied.

It was an outdoor gig in the plaza area where there were trash bins. I hate litterers and wasn't going to litter--plus what I had was a convenient and yummy portable food item. I obviously wasn't going to throw it on the ground or toss it at the band in disgust.

I couldn't believe I was being prevented entry due to the soft pretzel. Especially since I was carrying a large duffel bag--which wasn't even searched--and which could have been more of a chaos inflicter at the gig.

(this is a representation of my duffel bag...not the actual one, which is much more fashionable)...

I mean, c'mon...have soft pretzels been a threat to society? Or to Homeland Security?

My friends at the gig watched in awe as I was denied entry with my soft pretzel.

I thought about my options...

1. trash the pretzel to get in quickly
2. scarf down the pretzel to get in quickly
3. savor the pretzel outside--but miss the first song or two
4. accept friend's boyfriend's offer to meet me on other side of fence, smuggle pretzel across fence, then be reunited with pretzel inside the gig--unbeknownst to the Gomer Pyle security guard.

I went with option 4...and got to savor the amazing almond pretzel as Ladytron played live. When does one have a chance to do that?

So, a big thank you to Auntie Anne and her pretzels...

and a big "BOO!" to irrational mall security guards who would rather confiscate a soft pretzel than a stranger's duffel bag...

OMG Prods (Oh My God! Products that are COOL)

2007-09-24T19:49:00.000-07:00

Hopefully I don't need to explain why these are cool. I want to be my own personal Santa and give myself these. No fireplace or tree needed. All are from www.perpetualkid.com

KITCHEN BUBBLE SCRUBBER

This is without doubt the most fun you can have at your kitchen sink! Introducing our Bubble Scrubber, the kitchen brush with an anatomically correct bubble wand hidden right inside the bristles. And, as every perpetual kid knows: bubble wand + dish soap + water = a heck of a lot of FUN!

Hey, maybe you can even get your husband or the kids to do the dishes!

Measures approximately 10" long. Available with your choice of magenta or green bristles on a blue handle.

MAGNETIC VASES Set of 5

It's magic! Okay, not entirely… but your dinner guests will still be amazed.

Place your tablecloth between the magnetic vase base and metal plate. The vases will appear to be magically standing on end!

Includes 5 vases and 5 metal plates.

Vase measures 9.5" x .5"

BOTTLE OPENER FRIDGE MAGNET
Stainless Steel

Open bottles in one easy action! Magnetically sticks to the front of your fridge opens any bottle with ease! Soooo stylish AND functional... we just can't imagine our fridge now without one! Stainless steel with non-scratch rubber magnet. Super strong magnet easily sticks to your fridge.

SUCK UK created perfectly designed gifts, accessories and items for the home. Made in the UK!

The Stainless Steel Bottle Opener Fridge Magnet is 8" high x 5 inches wide.

ICE CREAM BALL

With our unique Play & Freeze Ice Cream Maker, you can make a pint of ice cream anywhere! You don't need electricity, just add ice and rock salt in one end and ice cream mix in the other end... then have a ball as you shake it, pass it or roll it!

Made of durable polycarbonate, it's lightweight, portable and easy to clean.

The ice cream mix can be as simple as cream, sugar and vanilla. Try our included recipe list or throw in candy or cookies and begin creating unlimited flavors! Also perfect for making frozen fruit slushies and iced drinks such as Margaritas.

Great for camping, boating, picnics, parties, ....anywhere!

TEMPERATURE CONTROLLED FAUCET LIGHT
New!

New and Improved! New Temperature Controlled Faucet Light changes color based upon the water temperature. It's "blue" when the water is cold or simply turned "on." When the temperature reaches 89� F, it changes to "red," alerting you that the water is getting "hot"!

Fun and functional for a kid's bathroom, but even better to add excitement to your wet bar or kitchen sink when you throw a cocktail party!

* Water pressure activates the light source.
* Light goes "off" when water source is turned off.
* Long lasting bright LED lights.
* Fully enclosed battery pack. (batteries included)
* Universal adaptor (included) fits most U.S. water faucets.
* Installs in less than a minute!

INSTANT IRISH ACCENT BREATH SPRAY
Flawless accent and great taste too!

Radically changes the way you speak! Works instantly! Just one quick spritz activates invisible language receptors in the mouth. Fresh on the tongue like mist off the Cliffs of Moher!

Impress your boss, fool your friends! Includes a "Kiss me, I'm Irish" badge. Cut out the badge (careful not to shear off your fingers!) and pin it to your green felt hat…

“If anyone had told me a few years ago that I'd have a flawless Irish accent, I'd have said, "You're crazy!" Now I need a Border Collie just to keep my boyfriends neatly in line for dates. Thanks a million!” -Darlene F., Sandusky, Ohio

Spearmint Flavor. .25 fl. oz./ 7.5ml

*Sheep sold separately.

Marcel Marceau: c'est mort.

2007-09-23T18:35:00.000-07:00

Let the bad mime jokes begin...

Boring News Made Newsworthy: Paris Hilton--Party Slut or Enlightment Junkie?

2007-09-18T22:55:00.000-07:00

So, Paris Hilton is out partying again.

Is this news?

She was seen clutching various religious books right before she went to jail (conveniently positioned perfectly for photographers).

Then right after she gets out of jail, she was professing about what a "changed" person she is. With regards to partying she told Larry King: “I’m frankly sick of it. I’ve been going out for a long time now, and yeah, it’s fun, but it’s not going to be the mainstay of my life anymore.”

Did anyone really believe that the spoiled wench would change her ways?

She seems to be wearing panties when she goes out now...so I guess she has hit at least one self-improvement milestone. Is the fact that she's back to her old ways and her "enlightenment" was faker than a $20 Fendi bag really newsworthy?

I don't think so.

What would be newsworthy? Not Paris drunkenly scaling a friend's fence...

but how about Paris scaling a fence trying to reach the celestial appearance of Mother Theresa as she is still embracing her newfound spirituality?

THAT might be considered newsworthy.

Shit that cracks me up

2007-09-04T18:36:00.000-07:00

Why would someone would decide that poolside is a great location to make or take photos of sausage making?

chlorine + direct sunlight + raw meats = Iraq-like unrest in your stomach if consumed

Perhaps this person has photos of his funnel cake maker next to the jacuzzi? Or a hibachi next to the toilet?

Is this thing on?

2007-09-04T18:21:00.001-07:00

Something so easy as a DIY blog set up...and I am more confused than Jessica Simpson taking an LSAT exam. Perhaps I should have paid more attention during those high school computer courses, though I just thought the internet was for shopping and IMng. I just want to create a blog...not design a rocket ship.